Not Getting Any Younger

I just cannot do the same things as when I was younger.

It's just too hard while checking my IPhone every 30 seconds.

I think I stitched for 8 solid hours. However, judging by the picture, I may have had a couple of breaks. For starters, I had to reply to 14 texts, check for Facebook updates, check for breaking news, keep up on Twitter, answer 21 e-mails (very important these jokes were and I could enlarge the size of my penis should I grow one), play a game of UNO, add a knitting app, look for new apps to help me save time, arrange my calendar, buy some new songs to stitch by, google a stitch I was unsure of, beg for followers on Facebook, and lastly talk on the phone. It is truly amazing that there was time to pick up a needle.

I saw an ad for a cruise yesterday that consisted of five days stitching time to Hawaii, four days to visit the islands, and five days stitching time back. At first I failed to see the allure. I can stitch at home without the costs, seasickness, packing and such. Do they provide the rental truck to get our UFOs to the ship? After last night maybe the point is no phone service. I picture stitching Nazis standing over us with lights yelling "Stitch you wimp" and cracking a whip of needlepoint canvas. We would stumble off the boat holding our phones to the sky and cry tears of joy as the bars loaded restoring service. Family greeting us at the dock forgotten, we would hunch over our phones exclaiming at what we missed.

When I was younger, I would just sit down and knit, sew, or stitch for hours on end. Now the varying degrees of magnifying glasses needed give me a head ache. I get tennis elbow from knitting. My shoulder freezes up from holding a needlepoint frame too long. The lighting has to be just right or my eyes tear up. What a cruel cosmic joke. I am old enough to finally have the time, but I need to nap first.

I could just turn off the phone. Kidding, no I couldn't. Today I will limit the times I pick it up like starting a 12 step program. First step, acknowledging I am a phone-aholic. That is as far as I will get today. Oh no, I just found an app that is a stitch guide for needlepoint. NOOOOO!